So. Blogging ennui. I have it. In fact, I have internet ennui. I have spent the last few weeks on the internet looking at novelty sites (and a few excellent ones - omg I love this site) and lurking on other people's blogs.
On the upside I have got past 'a' in my bloglines queue (we're about halfway through 'b' if and if only I would stop adding more!
We've had a few dramas at work and the woman I work the closest with has left. Which means that I am now doing a lot of her job. In the future, I will be doing all f her job, plus some parts of another, more exciting job. For now, though, it is crazy, since her job involves a lot of sitting down and mine involves a lot of running around the building. Not so compatable. Hopefully they'll get someone in soon(ish) to do my old job, but it certainly won't be before June. Le sigh.
I could whinge about it a bit but quite frankly I'm over it, and it's not so bad really, it's just a bit painful some days. I'm tired all the time because the days are full on, and I haven't touched my knitting for two weeks, except last night when I did half a row and then gave up and went to bed.
The worst part is that because work has gotten crazier I don't deal with home being crazy as well. Not that my home is so crazy, really. My friend lives in this house - it's awesome, there's artwork and 'precious' sentimental objects everywhere, the place is like a museum of cool. But I just can't imagine sleeping there. My house, in contrast, is a sea of calm.
However. I live with two of my cousins, J (a boy) and T (a girl). two girls and a guy, sounds OK. But I may as well be living with all boys. T is a grot. Which is fine. I'm a grot (I was going to write 'used to be' but let's face facts here) It's just that I don't like to be a grot. I don't like to live in mess. In fact, over the last year or so I have come to hate it.
I want a nice environment. I'm not picky. I'm happy with our second hand furniture and the huge cracks in my bedroom walls faze me not a bit. It's the crap lying around everywhere I can't stand. It's the leaving the chair in the middle of the living room facing the wrong way beacuse you watched tv and you can't be arsed putting it back. Most of all, it's the leaving for work from a house that is a reasonably nice place to be and coming back to one which I cannot enjoy being in. Without getting to enjoy the brief nice bit because it didn't get nice until just before I crashed into bed.
So I'm overdramatising a little. But I'm just tired. It's not just that, it's the coming home to the TV and not having a break from it until I go to bed. Or, if she's at work, J is playing the loudest computer game he can find. Whinge Whinge fucking whinge.
To remedy this, I have started getting up a half hour earlier. I have starting doing tai chi (yes, I do tai chi. I learnt in China) again. Mostly in the mornings, but sometimes when I get home, too. This does two things. It lets me wake up with the morning, outside with the clouds and the sky and the birds cutting sick (I don't know what their deal is but apparently there was lots to talk about this morning) It also makes me much more relaxed. I used to catch the bus in to work, but now I get a lift in with J, who has started a new job near where I work. This is great in that it means I can now get up at the same time that I used to leave the house, but bad inasmuch as I get less quiet, just-me time in the morning to let my brain percolate or marinate or whatver innapropriate verb you would like ot use.
But, in the morning, the house is MINE. And that extra half an hour (Ok, sometimes I only make 15 minutes) makes an amazing difference. Also, the exercise is probably good for me, or something. I remeber hearing something about that, like, once or maybe twice.
Peace is what I crave, people. Peace and some serentity that you can feel, and calm and neat and...
Well, what I want is what I ain't got.
Anyways. I'm hoping to get motivated to do more cool stuff and then blog about it. I miss blogging. I totally didn't plan to blech out all my whinges, but I guess I needed to. Part of the problem is that they seem so petty, especially compared to whatall else is going on in the world or to people I know. And I'm not, you know, sad or whatever. Just tired. That's life. But it helps if you can tell someone.
Since I really put much effort into blogging these things have happened:
::Cut my hair really short. I've had a post about it saved as a draft for over a month now, with pictures and everything.
::Got a cat. Actually, it's T's cat mostly, for the purposes of possesesion when we part ways but joint for the purposes of care and, of course, love. Meaning: it disdains us equally. Pictures soon.
::I've joined a knitting group. I've only been once, but it was good and I'm looking forward to the next time I'll be able to make it (a week to the day)
::Looked at a whole lot of pictures of cats and dogs, sometimes with Engrish captions on them.
Life. It's grand